Sharing the Burden

The sun is setting as his blue eyes reflect light from the computer screen. His shoulders slump under the weight of unemployment. I watch as his left leg bounces; as if the faster he moves it the faster he will figure this out. The tap, tap, tapping of his fingers on the keyboard fill the silent room. His face is flushed as if he is holding his breath and each click of the mouse is counting the seconds he sits breathless. Eventually he exhales deeply and furrows his eyebrows as he leans back in frustration. Today’s prospects aren’t any better than yesterday’s. Or the day before.

My attention is pulled out the window as I turn to find myself eye level with a cardinal with a single black feather in its tail. Its crimson head quickly turns side-to-side as if in search of something. I turn back towards him and our eyes meet. He makes a silly face to make me laugh. I force a smile to comfort him. The moment fades, and the tapping continues. Tension swallows my spine. Nothing worth speaking comes to mind. With no idea how long we’ve been sitting in silence, I walk over to wrap my arms around him from behind. He turns his head till our eyes meet and I lean in to kiss him. “You’ve been sitting in front of this computer for hours. Let’s go for a walk,” I suggest.

He smiles weakly and grabs his cap, “Thank you.”

The soft breeze lightly sweeps over our skin, balancing the warmth from the last of the sun in the western sky. Tension is left at the end of our driveway and the feeling of stability is found in the pace of our steps. Inhaling the fresh air releases our worries as we walk along the green-lined sidewalk of our neighborhood. The sound of bird calls from the trees become the sound track of our evening. We turn the corner and then pause to admire the neighborhood pond. Squirrels play tag around the trunk of the trees and turtles float in the water as the final glint of the sun sparkles on their wet shells. As the sky welcomes the darkening of night I reach out for his hand. I can feel his exhaustion through our laced fingers but he doesn’t let go of my hand until we’ve made it back to our front door. Calmness greets us inside as we prepare for tomorrow.

Late night thoughts ricochet off the walls of my brain as I stare at the ceiling. Things could be worse. I have walked this road of unemployment before. Alone. Working part time was supposed to be a temporary situation until I finished my degree. My income doesn’t cover even half of our household expenses. How can I make this easier for him? The question echoes as I drift off to sleep.

After a sluggish day at work I come home and decide to cook dinner straight away. Chicken alfredo; quick, easy, and indulgent. After dinner, he reluctantly puts his computer away and decides to turn on a movie. I look up from a sink of dirty dishes and catch him staring past the television. I dry my hands and go to him. He looks up to me as I stand in front of him and say, “let’s go for a walk.” There is less tension as we reach the end of our driveway and the bird calls are on repeat from yesterday. As we reach the pond I feel his hand slip into mine. He gives it a slight squeeze and as I look over at him I see that he’s wearing a slight smile. We find a spot under a tree by the water. As we watch the pink, cotton candy clouds I notice a cardinal with the same single black feather in its tail. It lands in front of us briefly, picks up a twig and flies off into the branches above us. In that moment, darkness fills the sky and we get up to head back home.

Weeks pass.

After I fill our one casserole dish with hot water after dinner, I turn around and am startled by finding him patiently standing behind me. His laugh fills the kitchen. As I catch his laughter he steps in to wrap his arms around my waist and places a soft kiss on my forehead. “You ready?”

I respond with a smile, grab the picnic blanket, and we head out the front door. We reach a lively pace as we leave the driveway. The soft breeze follows us down our usual path to the neighborhood pond. After laying out our blanket, we sit under the tree by the water and watch the birds chase the clouds in the orange-pink sky. As the final ray of sun falls below the horizon, we gather up the picnic blanket to begin our walk home. As we come up from by the water, he points over to a low branch where we see a cardinal. The cardinal with the single black feather in its tail had found a branch to build its nest. We continue to walk home hand in hand, still laughing together.

We are going to be okay.