A Letter to my Younger Self

Jasmine,

The night I lost you will be engraved in the walls of my mind forever. As he slithered his fingers between your thighs, fear burrowed into your soul. But when you tried to speak your truth, others hid behind the Devil as an excuse for the pain he caused you. Swept under the rug, you were left standing on the debris of your innocence.

I remember the nights you nearly drowned in your own tears. Nights you never spoke of, staring into the darkness praying to God to save you from the pain and loneliness that squeezed your heart. Relief never came. I remember you wishing to sleep through a lifetime of pain and awaken free, beyond the walls you hated to call home. But every sunrise forced you to stare at a reflection that blurred your self-worth. You became unrecognizable.

I will never forget the night you fell to your knees in prayer for the last time, suffocating in your own breath, only to open your eyes and stand washed in His blood. But when your fragile faith was smothered by the judgement of those who walk the line of the Devil’s shadow, you questioned your existence. I understand why you left your faith at the threshold of His stain glass doors.

You will find peace. Those tears your pillow caught year after year built the foundation of your bravery as you tell the Devil to fuck off. You will confront your pain, walking a path that leaves you bruised because though you could have made different choices, you didn’t. You will never get a second chance on the life you missed out on, but you will make a new one.

You will learn to love yourself by being honest about what you value in life. Your faith lays within you in a way that was not taught to you, but nurtures a grateful heart that once only existed in your dreams. Life is ever changing and in that you will find that forgiveness is on your own time. But when you find the ability to forgive, it does not mean you have to forget.

To forget means to leave the strongest parts of you behind, and those are the best parts of who I am.

With love,

Yours Truly.